Posts tagged ‘Mat’

03/06/2011

03.06.2011

Brød – den moderne pesten

Jeg snublet over en morsom blogpost idag.
Dagens kaos i verden er forårsaket av brød! Bare se:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters

2. More than half…. HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. How do we know this? In Kindergarten, these kids ate paste and paste is made from flour and water and shit and specific glue ingredients that only Elmer knows for sure. Need we say more?

3. In the 18th century, diseases like the Bubonic Plague plagued mankind. Entire nations were wiped out, all because of filthy, dirty, flea-infested, BREAD EATING rodents.

4. Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative and extend beyond the physiological.  They are often criminal, too:

  • 99.9% of all people who die have eaten bread
  • 100% of all soldiers have eaten bread
  • 96.9% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten bread.
  • Cubans LOVE bread
  • 99.7% of the people involved in mid-air collisions and automobile accidents ate bread within 6 to 12 months preceding said accident.
  • As a pro football player and actor,  the knife wielding  O.J Simpson “earned a lot of bread” in his lifetime
  • 93.1% of juvenile delinquents come from homes where bread is served regularly
  • The singing group, “Bread”, a band which was immensely popular in the late 60′s and early 70′s, was known for it’s vile and subversive lyrics. For example: Bread’s front man, David Gates sang; ” I found her diarrhea ‘neath a tree….”. Disgusting AND deplorable!!! This song should be banned on every Oldies station and elevator in America, effective immediately
  • Convicted serial killer, Ted Bundy loved bread; a love affair which lead him to the electric chair. John Wayne Gacy, who was put to death for the gruesome and grizzly deaths of more than thirty young men and boys, reportedly loved bread, too. In fact, it’s said he “violated” muffins and rolls in absolutely unheard of ways. Bakers referred to him as a breadophile
  • Hillary Clinton has been known to eat toast

6. Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating:   Everyone born before 1839 who later ate a consistent diet of bread, are ALL dead today. That means eating bread gives humans a 100% mortality rate.

7. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat. Therefore, bread causes lung failure in mice

8. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, osteoporosis, varicose veins, rectal itch or ATM withdrawals

9. Bread IS addictive. Subjects that were deprived of bread and given only water, begged for bread after only two days. Lack of bread creates hunger and hunger keeps that gelatinous whiner, Sally Struthers employed.  By eliminating bread, we can eliminate hunger and if we eliminate hunger, we can mercifully eliminate the rotund Gloria Bunker Stivic’s late night TV career

10. Bread is often a “gateway” food item. It leads to the user moving on to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts and various spreads. One gentlemen I know went on vacation in Turkey. He came back home three weeks later with a Pita monkey on his back. He said he just loafed around Istanbul for weeks.  Yep…it was bread; one bite and he was hookah’d

11. The evilness of enlightening books burn at 451 degrees Fahrenheit. Ray Bradbury taught us that. It is any wonder then that malevolent bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit??    Why DO you think they call it “Wonder Bread”?


Om religion:

“Religion is what keeps the Poor, from Murdering the Rich.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

 

Rare meldinger i nettdating

Noen ganger får jeg meldinger som får meg til å fundere på hva avsenderen tenker. Eksempler:

Melding#1: “Hei 🙂 Hvorfor har jeg ikke sendt en melding til ennå?…” (jeg besvarte ikke)
Melding#2 “Ah, kom på det, musikksmak :P” (jeg besvarte ikke)
Melding#3: “Det er visst eneste grunnen…”
–  Hæ? Hinter han til noe? Vil han noe? Forventer han at jeg skal besvare det der?

Melding#1: “hallo, jeg er helt nytt her…”
– Er det meninga at jeg skal ønske ham velkommen som en slags velkomstkomitè? Eller tenker han at han blir ekstra godt tatt imot som nytt medlem på stedet?…

Melding#1: “det var mye”
– Eh javel? Såfint!

Melding#1: “hei du liker vener eller dusøta :)”
– Fra en etnisk utlending, som ser ut til å slite med norsken…

Melding#1: “Den “rette” kan faktisk dukke opp hvor som helst :)”
– Jess, men so what?

En fyr sendte meg en lang melding hvor han skrev masse detaljer om segselv, og på slutten la han til:
“Nå fortjener jeg vel en lang mail….?”
– Ofc, du får igjen en tilsvarende lang melding samme faen hvor interessant jeg synes du er og hvor bra jeg syns vi passer sammen…

Melding#1: “JEG LIKER DEG
HEI X , jeg liker deg så jeg håper du vil lese profilen min og sende meg et brev…!
P.S. jeg vet at alder er litt dårlig match, men jeg er data intresert så jeg håper du prøver meg…!
Hilsen Sigurd”
– Lukter en smule desperat? Og en smule misforståelse, hva angår å være spesiell fordi man at er “data intresert”…

Melding#1: “leste det du skrev om akademiker, ser det på deg, du vil ikke tro det men vi ser så like ut at vi kunne vært i slekt:)”
– Javel? Ikke tror jeg på at du kan lese personligheten min ut av profilbildet mitt, og ikke skjønner jeg poenget i å nevne at “vi kunne vært i slekt”… Det assosieres mer med incest enn med dating.

Melding#1: “Får stort hue av å være mentalt krevende.”
– Ye, hodeskallen vokser utover i livet, i takt med at IQ og kunnskap øker… Hey wait a sec… Samme det, hva var poenget ditt, sa du?

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