Archive for January 9th, 2012


Progging, newbs og idioter

Man har normale flinke proggere, mindre gode proggere, newbs, og til slutt idioter.
Her er en suppe med kode fra alt unntatt normalt flinke proggere:

Him: “I can download games like Quake and play them during lunch, you know.”
Me: “We’re only allowed 10 megs in our accounts, and the system administrators would notice you downloading a large file.”
Him: “Nah, I could hack it so he couldn’t.”
Me: “Ah, so you are into hacking. By the way do you know any programming languages?”
Him: “Yeah, of course.”
Me: “Which ones?”
Him: “I can’t tell you or else you’ll use them.
Me: “Just by mentioning C++ or Pascal or whatever will not instantly make me a genius with those languages.”
Him: “Oh sorry, I didn’t understand you. Yeah, I know C++ and Pascal.”
Me: “What compiler do you use?”
Him: “Well, Qbasic is my favorite.
Me: “Nobody over the age of eight uses QBasic for serious purposes.”
Him: “But they made windows with QBasic.

I almost cried laughing.

“One day I was in a public park, reading “C++ For Dummies” when someone came up and asked me what I was reading. I told him I was reading a book about C++. He responded, “Oh, HTML kicks C++’s @$$.” ”

“Teacher: “You can’t do spaces in HTML. If you see spaces on web pages, then they must be using java to override basic HTML. Java saved the Internet, because it removes limitations of HTML, but it’s beyond the scope of this course to show you how to do it.””

My Friend: “Yesterday, I reprogrammed my computer.”
Me: “Okay….”
My Friend: “Not my Mac, but my PC. It has Windows Vista.”
Me: “Yes, and what language did you use?”
My Friend: (pause) “English.”
Me: “English?”
My Friend: “Yeah, English.”

“I once worked for the IT department of a small manufacturing company. The new Vice President of IT claimed that he had been a programmer for more than twenty years prior. One time we were in a meeting with a software company we hired to build our web site for us. As they explained that the web pages would be written in HTML and Javascript, this VP stops them cold and says, “None of my guys here work with any of that Javascript stuff! This is a SQL shop! I only want these web pages written in SQL so we can support it ourselves!”

Rather than correct a man who’d been a programmer for twenty years, I sat there with an amused look on my face for the remainder of the meeting. So did the people from the software company.”

User: “Hey, can you help me? My program doesn’t work.”
Consultant: “What is the problem? Are you using Turbo Pascal?”
User: “Yes, the program just blocks the machine.”
Consultant: “Well, does it compile?”
User: “I don’t know — it just doesn’t run. You see? There’s the EXE file. If you run it, it blocks the machine.”
Consultant: “And where is your source, the PAS file??”
User: “I wrote it and renamed it to EXE so it could run.”

“One thing that many will run into in the computer industry, is employers who are rather clueless and yet don’t necessarily realize this. In 1996, a friend told me about a boss he had that needed a C program written for him. After a week, the boss complained that the program wasn’t done, and he asked my friend what was taking so long.

Friend: “The program is written, and I’m debugging it.”
Boss: “What’s wrong with you people? You make programming more difficult than it needs to be. I have Frontpage Express to write web pages with, and when I write code with it, I never need to debug it. If you were as good of a programmer as me, you’d never need to debug either.”

“During a code review, when I asked why (besides the source control file headers) there was not a comment in 240,000 lines of code which was getting handed over to me for maintenance, the programmer replied, “I’m terse.” ”

“I was helping a friend with some code. In the code, I found the line:

x = x;

and removed it. I made some further changes and send the code back to him. He told me he still had errors. So he sent me his code again, and again I found the same line. I asked him why he kept putting that in there, and he replied, “So x doesn’t lose its value.” “

“In college, I worked as a teaching assistant for an introductory programming language. For most of the people in the class, this was probably their first and only programming class.

One day, I was doing program code reviews with a handful of students. This one girl gave me her code, and, after looking at it, I asked why she had repeated a certain line twice:

let x = 7;
let x = 7;

She said, “Just in case it didn’t get set right the first time.” ”

“When a computer professor asked his students to comment all their programs, he got remarks like:

“This program is very nice.”
“This program is very difficult.”
“This program is very interesting.””

“When I was studying programming, one of my classmates was having serious troubles with his program. When he asked me for help, I leaned over his screen and saw all of his code in comments. The reason: “Well, it compiles much faster that way.” ”

“In college I worked as a consultant. One day this grad student was having trouble with his Fortran program and brought the printout to me. He said he kept changing things but couldn’t get it to run correctly. His analysis: “I get the feeling that the computer just skips over all the comments.” “

“I tutored college students who were taking a computer programming course. A few of them didn’t understand that computers are not sentient. More than one person used comments in their Pascal programs to put detailed explanations such as, “Now I need you to put these letters on the screen.” I asked one of them what the deal was with those comments. The reply: “How else is the computer going to understand what I want it to do?” Apparently they would assume that since they couldn’t make sense of Pascal, neither could the computer. ”

“I was taking an introductory programming course. One assignment was to do a little payroll program, including some data validation. The program was supposed to accept terminal input and send output back to either the console or a printer.

Suddenly the printer began spewing out paper like crazy. One of the students (a particularly mouthy woman) had programmed a less-than-helpful error message (“YOU ARE WRONG”) and then not provided any exit from the error-checking logic — the program just re-read the last (failing) input and re-tested it. All in all, it was a very nice infinite loop.

After spitting through about fifty pages of “YOU ARE WRONG,” somebody cut power to the printer, and the instructor had to flush the print queue manually. He went back to the student and asked if she had tested the program by sending the output to the console before trying to print it, and she said, yes, she had tested it on the console and ended up with a screen full of “YOU ARE WRONG” messages. Why, then, had she sent her output to the printer? “I thought I would be daring!” “

“A colleague wrote the documentation for the return codes from a set of functions in one of his DLLs. Among the documentation was this:

/* Return code=1: generic error condition
Return code=2: all other error conditions */ ”

“I was just teaching an optional class on C programming; in the first class meeting, I asked, “Does anybody know anything about programming?”

To which one of my students gleefully replied, “I know how to use a chat program!” “

“While working on a programming project in highschool with a friend, I mentioned to him that if he really wants to name his variables things like x, xx, and xx2, he should at least put comments saying what they’re used for.

The next time I looked over his shoulder, I saw this:

int x; // x is an int

“My friend is a programming teacher at a local high school, where there are two programming classes — one taught by him and one by another teacher. Recently he spent WEEKS preparing the major assessment that both classes would do, a large assignment that the students would work on for the next few months.

As well as making the question sheet for the students, he also made an answer sheet for the other teacher, so that she could familiarize herself with the assignment before giving it to her class.

But this other teacher knows NOTHING about programming and wasn’t able to tell the difference between the question sheet and answer sheet, and so she wound up photocopying the answer sheet and handing it out to every student in her class.

She no longer teaches programming. “

“An introductory programming student once asked me to look at his program and figure out why it was always churning out zeroes as the result of a simple computation. I looked at the program, and it was pretty obvious:

readln("Number of Apples", apples);
readln("Number of Carrots", carrots);
readln("Price for 1 Apple", a_price);
readln("Price for 1 Carrot", c_price);
writeln("Total for Apples", a_total);
writeln("Total for Carrots", c_total);
writeln("Total", total);
total := a_total + c_total;
a_total := apples * a_price;
c_total := carrots + c_price;

Me: “Well, your program can’t print correct results before they’re computed.”
Him: “Huh? It’s logical what the right solution is, and the computer should reorder the instructions the right way.””

“At my previous job, we were porting a UNIX system to Windows NT using Microsoft VC++. A colleague of mine, that was in the process of porting his portion of the code, came to me, looking really upset.

Colleague: “Hey! I hate these Microsoft guys! What a rotten compiler! It only accepts 16,384 local variables in a function!“”

“I had a probationary programmer working for me. Needless to say, he never got to be permanent. One day I was inspecting his C code and found this:

if ( a = 1 ) {
...some code...
} else {
...some other code...

I told him the “else” clause will never get executed because of his “if” statement. I asked him to figure out why. He said he’d “investigate” it first. I allowed him to “investigate,” since it had not been a critical task.

A day later, he told me he figured out the problem. He said he used an incorrect operand in the “if” statement — it should have been == instead of =, which was absolutely correct. But then he emailed me his revised code.

a = 1;
if ( a == 1 ) {
...some code...
} else {
...some other code...

What the…?

I asked him if the “a = 1” part was necessary and not just a fragment of debug code he forgot to remove. He said it was necessary. So I asked him if the “else” statement would ever be executed. He said yes. I asked him to give me a situation when such would occur. He said he’d get back to me with the explanation.

I kicked him out of the project that same afternoon.”

“Digging in the code a colleague wrote years ago, I found the following:

EndWhile = 0;
while (EndWhile == 0)
if (index < MAX)
EndWhile = 0;
EndWhile = 1;
index = index + 1;


09.01.2012 Ubrukelige hoteller

Det dukker jevnlig opp historier her og der om feriereiser som har gitt ekstremt dårlig inntrykk på de reisende. Her er noen av dem.

“I februar bestilte guttegjengen på seks fra Oslo en to ukers sydentur til Tyrkia med reiseselskapet Ving.
En drøy måned før avreise får guttene beskjed om at Ving har flyttet dem til et annet hotell. I mailen fra Ving ble guttene lovet samme standard, men på et dyrere hotell.
Vel fremme på Hotel Yildiz i Alanya oppdager de at lite er som forventet. Selv om det på nettsidene til Ving står at hotellet var renovert i 2010 og at rommene ble rengjort hver dag, blir de møtt av nedslitte, illeluktende og skitne rom.

– Vi fikk sjokk. Da vi kom inn på rommet var det knøttlite, som et lite kott. På badet er sluket bare et hull i gulvet, vannet renner ikke alltid ut en gang, sier Soma.

Rommene er så små at til og med sengene er kortere enn det som er vanlig. Det betyr at flere av guttene som er mer enn 180 cm må sove med beina hengende utenfor sengen eller ut av vinduet.

En av guttene som betalte ekstra for å bo på enkeltrom fikk det dårligste rommet. Der er badet så lite at dusjen henger rett over toalettet.
– Det tøt ledninger ut av veggen. Man fikk inntrykk av at det elektriske arbeidet var dårlig utført.

Dusjene hadde bare kaldt vann.

– Rommene er generelt dårlig vedlikeholdt. Det var løse og manglende fliser, og hull i veggen er bare sparklet igjen.

– Balkongen i fjerde etasje er dårlig sikret med alt for lavt rekkverk.

– Skitne håndklær og sengetøy blir ikke skiftet.

– Poolbaren det reklameres med på nettsidene er bare en luke i veggen, den er aldri åpen.
Hotell Yildiz består av to bygninger, og på grunn av stedets sikkerhetsbestemmelser får guttene heller ikke besøke hverandre på rommene. Det var det ingen som hadde opplyst guttene om på forhånd.

– Halvparten av oss bor i den ene bygningen, og den andre halvparten i den andre, så får vi ikke besøke hverandre?
Guttene krevde å få bytte hotell, og klagde allerede første dagen til Ving-guiden. De følte at de ikke ble tatt på alvor.

Guiden lovet å ringe dem tilbake, men de hørte ikke noe fra ham. Og da de selv forsøkte å ringe dagen etter sier guttene at guiden bare la på uten å ringe dem opp igjen.
Neste dag sjekker en representant fra Ving rommene til guttene. Han hevder at det ikke er noe galt med rommene til guttene, og tilbyr dem kun en kompensasjon på 500 kroner pr. booking.

– Vi ble veldig skuffet og takket selvfølgelig nei. 500 kroner redder ikke en uke med dårlig hotell, sier Alte Berczelly Schwach.

Vings representanter i Tyrkia ville ikke vil hjelpe guttene, derfor ringer vi sammen til selskapets hovedkontor i Oslo. Vings presseansvarlig, Sophie Frisholm, sier at de skal se på saken igjen, men er ikke fornøyd med at TV 2 og «Redd ferien min» gjør opptak med guttene.

Det hjelper jo ikke at dere roter rundt i dette her, da, sier hun, før hun avslutter med å si at hun skal se på hotellene og ringe tilbake til oss.”

Guttegjengen ble tilslutt flyttet til et skikkelig hotell, men jeg tviler på at de vil ta en slik pakkeløsning flere ganger.

I kommentarfeltet til artikkelen ovenfor, forteller andre om sine historier:


“Har vært ute for akkurat det samme, det var med “Solfaktor” som reiseselskap. Vi var 3 gutter som dro til Grand Canaria i februar for 3 år siden, der fikk beskjed om at sjefen på hotellet vi bodde på fikk Tyske venner på besøk, så vi skulle bli flyttet til ett kjempefint hotell ikke langt unna 😉
Der hang kontaktene ut av veggen, sengene var steinharde og det så generelt ut som på bildene i denne artikkelen. Jeg forlangte å bli forflyttet til hotellet vi egentlig skulle bo på, og de godtok de utrolig nok.

MEN, når vi kom tilbake, fikk vi ny leilighet, og dagen etter vi hadde kommet tilbake hørte vi en forbanna Svenske i underetasjen som skrek at “Toaletten renner over!!!” Og heldige som vi var satt hovedkrana til vannet inne i dusjen vår. Da kom det tre møkkete spanjoler trampende inn som slo seg igjennom veggen med hakker og spett, murpuss og dritt i hele leilgheta. Det endte i 2 dager uten mulighet for dusjing siden støpen måtte herde etter de murte igjen hullet……. Det er flott når man bader i klor og saltvann hele dagen 😉

Solfaktor nektet å refundere noe som helst, ingen klagerett siden det ikke var de som hadde tatt avgjørelsen om å flytte. Var liksom vår egen feil at vi hadde godtatt det….. Reiser aldri med dem igjen, anbefaler ingen andre å gjøre det heller. Makan til rævva kundeservice skal man lete lenge etter. “


Ving tar ikke ansvar.
Min sønn på 13 og jeg var i Tyrkia i forfjor sommer. Kort fortalt. Vi kom tilbake på hotellet rett før midnatt første dagen.
I baren satt to personer og min sønn og jeg ble enige om å ta oss noe å drikke før vi tok kvelden. Den ene personen, en mannsperson satt og snakket med person nr to, som var ei jente først i tyve årene som var fra Stavanger. Min sønn og jeg stilte oss ved baren og bestilte cola til han og en pils til meg. Vi sa hei til disse to som satt i baren og snakket videre oss i mellom.
Plutselig farer denne mannpersonen opp og stormer mot meg i et vannvittig sinne og hopper på meg. Dette fikk jeg roet fort ned og ba bartenderen om å få tak i ledende personal for dette ville jeg ta opp som uakseptabel adferd og følte meg krenket.
Det skulle ikke være noen enkel sak. Det var nemlig daglig leder som hoppet på meg og var truende, han viste seg å være overstadig beruset. Mye mer skjedde der og da men vi forlot hotellet for å få tak i hjelp av lokalt politi som tok afære.
Jeg tok kont med Ving sitt personal som var oppført i reise dok hvor jeg forklarte saken og forlangte å få byttet hotell. Dette var de ikke int i men derimot så ble denne daglig leder fjernet i perioden vi var der og kom tilbake dagen vi reiste hjem igjen.
Tok opp saken med Ving hjemme og forlangte refusjon for reisen forde ferien sånn sett var ødelagt. For min del endte dette basketaket med vond skulder og stiv nakke.
Dette ble kontant avist trass i innrømelser fra hotell personal. Jeg ble samtidig anmodet om å ikke gå til media med opplevelsen vi hadde. Det hører med til historien at denne daglig leder spydde rundt om i baren og resepsjons området før han ble fysiskt fjernet. Dette er en av Norges mest veletablerte reise selskap.

Vi reiser ikke med Ving igjen.”


“Vi reiste med ving i fjor sommer, og fikk også smake på den ikke tilstedeværende servicen til ving.
Hotellet vi ble plassert på skulle være fire stjerner, med sentral beliggenhet. Da vi omsider kom fram til hotellet viste det seg at hotellet lå alt annet en sentralt til. Vi fikk rom innerst i en mørk korridor, hvor veggplatene var 8mm tykke finerflater og låsen fungerte ikke. Da vi klagde på at vi ikke ville ha et rom hvor dørlåsen ikke fungerte fikk vi beskjed om å vente til dagen etter for å sjekke andre muligheter.

Men da fikk vi beskjed om at vi måtte erstatte låsen! Som aldri hadde fungert… Vi måtte bare betale, men forlangte et annet hotell. Det fikk vi ikke. Så da endte vi opp med å hoppe av hele ving toget, og leie et annet hotell på egen regning. “


09.01.2012 Div

Besøk hos en bestemor

Hun ser ut som hun tenker noe i duren “Life is a bitch and then you die, now GTFO!”

Ironisk verden&lt

Tells det at jeg hatet klovner fordi de minnet meg om en klovnedukke i Poltergeist, som jeg så da jeg var ~4år?

Han må da ha vært bombesikker på at Japan ville bli grilla i flere tiår fremover?:p Ikke akkurat en kamikaze soldat iaf:)

De ligner oss, men… fysj! Seksualitet skal vi ikke ha noe av! Driting er greit, putte fingern i rumpa og lukte på den så man svimer av er greit, men ikke tydelig seksuelle handlinger… At ikke den siviliserte verden har kommet lenger ennå.

Sigh. Det støtter opp under “kjærlighet gjør blind” iaf.



Det står ikke om det er snakk om ren profitt eller inntekter som er innom artistenes lommer, men det er litt funny uansett.

Kunst FTW!…eller?



“When a third-grade student was asked to define the term “vacuum” in class, she answered, “A vacuum is an empty region of space where the Pope lives.” ”

When I was studying programming, one of my classmates was having serious troubles with his program. When he asked me for help, I leaned over his screen and saw all of his code in comments. The reason: “Well, it compiles much faster that way.”