Archive for January, 2012

31/01/2012

31.01.12

Jeg klarte ikke la være å le da jeg så denne statistikken:

Fra Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religiosity_and_intelligence

Herp!


;p

Originale navn


Barnemishandling!

Twitter og smartasser

Fra en annen blogg:

“100 typer folk man burde…
……… Skyte? Sparke i rumpa? Beine ut hunden til? Putte i en vaskemaskin sammen med en murstein?

– Folk som bruker løkkeskriftfonter på nett. Hadde ingenting på skolen å gjøre, ei heller nett. Flytt til Middelalderen.
– Matbloggere med “kunstneriske bilder” der maten ligger strødd utenfor tallerkenen. Pffff.
[…]
– Folk som skriver “tvitrer privat”, når de ikke er verken bedriftsleder, kjendis eller no. SELVFØLGELIG TVITRER DU PRIVAT.
[…]
– Folk som mener et alle institusjoner er løgn og konspirasjon – UNNTATT deres egen religion. Så klart.
[…]
– Folk som filmer TV-en og legger det ut på Youtube. Dere skal få to runder i vaskemaskinen.
– Folk som er på Twitter med låst konto og 1500 følgere. Du lar kun dine 1500 nærmeste venner lese hva du gjør? Okey.
– Folk som ikke tror bomber og krig rammer sivile. Hva trodde dere bomber gjorde da? Malte kjøkkenet og pellet opp løv?
[…]
– Folk som lager engelskspråklig matblogg, men ikke forstår at “halve verden” forstår dem.
– Folk som ikke gidder å lage en engelskspråklig matblogg, men bruker Google Translate slik at ingen forstår dem.
[…]
– Folk som beklager seg annenhver dag på bloggen, at de ikke rekker verken å blogge eller svare.
[…]
– Folk som absolutt skal ha musikk i videoer. Vil jeg se dyr, vil jeg høre dyr. Vil jeg se musikk, osv. Spesielt bra er det når man bruker kopibeskyttede sanger, slik at hele lydsporet forsvinner totalt.
– Folk som presser sine kostholdsråd på alle andre, men som nekter å høre på alle andres råd. Dette fungerer for deg, dette fungerer for meg. Hold kjeft og et din egen mat alene da, om den er så jævla sunn og bra for deg. Må jeg ete også?”

28/01/2012

28.01.12

Wikipedia gir opp kampen mot Kvinneguiden

“Det digitale oppslagsverket Wikipedia har besluttet å legge inn årene. Grunnen er den harde konkurransen fra nettsidene Kvinneguiden, Barnimagen og Snartmamma.
[…]
Arnstad viser til at etter at Wales la ut pressemeldingen på Kvinneguiden, ble han overøst med klemme- og trøste-smileys og beskjeder om at han var «domm i skalen».”

Les mer:

W00t, noob i eksamen? Lol

Nå er det lov å skrive bl.a “omg”, “noob”og “rofl” i engelsk eksamener!

Faktakilde(r): http://mashable.com/2011/08/18/oxford-english-dictionary-retweet-sexting-woot/ http://mashable.com/2011/03/24/oed-omg-lol/

Piracy vs murder


Er ikke dette fucked up og tragi-komisk så vet ikke jeg.
Faktakilde: http://www.dewatv.com/2012/01/megaupload-owner-50-years-prison-kim.html

Enda en merkelig fetisj


Det finnes fetisjer om absolutt alt…

Desperat kjønnspolitikk


Faktakilder: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fa%27afafine http://www.abc.net.au/ra/pacific/people/hazy.htm

For katteelskere


Aaaw<3
Bilder fra stedet:


27/01/2012

27.01.12

Ikke akkurat true scale


Alle disse miniatyrene tilhører 1 figurpakke, fra merket MPC(Airfix).
Det var små storfe, gitt… og sabla store fjørfe! Hvilken skala har produsenten tenkt at folk skal bruke dette til??

Kristne tror ikke på overnaturlige ting

Fra starten av en historie fra en tilsynelatende seriøs fyr:
“This is a crazy story that I wouldn’t have believed had it not happened to me. I am not prone or drawn to the supernatural, and in fact I have a strong Christian support system,[…]”
“Jeg er kristen, ergo tror jeg bare på beviselige ting”:p

Usynlig blekk for spioner IRL

“at least one agent had to be reminded to use only fresh supplies of the ‘ink’ when correspondents began noticing an unusual smell. “

Faktakilde: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/8015180/MI6-used-bodily-fluids-as-invisible-ink.html

Når minibanken er tom…


…Kommer musene ut.
Kilde: http://www.nrk.no/nyheter/distrikt/nordland/1.7970145

Gøy på irc

*** Zeron is now known as you
* you farted.
* you sigh in frustration.
* you lose
* you suck at life
*** Wildfyre is now known as our
* Goblin_Leecher thinks you need a life
* our conversation is entirely too weird
*** Goblin_Leecher is now known as we
* we are going stir crazy
* you are going a little too far
* our laughter fills the offices nearby.
* you are fired.
* we need new jobs
* you agree
* you wonder when this madness will end
* we are not sane
* you are correct
* our sanity has left?
you know…if a sane person were to walk in here…they’d be very very confused right about now…
* you are one with the matrix.
Kilde: http://www.bash.org/?367808

25/01/2012

24.01.12

Jeg leste akkurat et blogginnlegg på en miniatyrblogg, om en som har kjøpt en finecast figur fra GW.
De fleste innen hobbyen har vel fått med seg det frynsete ryktet til finecaste, primært pga masse bobler i produktene.
Posten jeg leste, viste derimot et STORT problem med finecast, som ikke hadde noenting med bobler å gjøre – Det var mye verre!
Her er bilder som bloggeren la ut av finecast produktet han akkurat har kjøpt:
<- Jævlig bra form på den spruen, GW!
<-Flash, anyone? Her er det nok til alle!
<- Masse flash, få pene linjer

<- Figuren gikk faen ikke an å sette sammen engang, fordi bitene var så deformerte!

At det går an å selge sånt bullshit, og til de prisene! >.<

22/01/2012

22.01.2012

Kristendom vs hinduisme

Jeg fant en historie på en annen blog, om en indisk hinduist som diskuterte religion med en amerikansk kristen på en flyreise.
Det er komisk å lese på hvordan den amerikanske kristne kvinnen spør og kommenterer hinduisme, uvitende og ugjennomtenkt som hun er.

Four years ago, I was flying from JFK NY Airport to SFO to attend a meeting at Monterey, CA. An American girl was sitting on the right side, near window seat. It indeed was a long journey – it would take nearly seven hours!

I was surprised to see the young girl reading a Bible – unusual of young Americans! (Later I came to know that September 11 has changed mind-set of lot of US citizens. They suddenly turned religious, it seemed.)

After some time, she smiled and we had few acquaintances talk. I told her that I am from India. Then suddenly the girl asked, ‘What’s your faith?’

‘What?’ I didn’t understand the question. ‘I mean, what’s your religion? Are you a Christian? Or a Muslim?’

‘No!’ I replied, ‘I am neither Christian nor Muslim’. Apparently she appeared shocked to listen to that. ‘Then who are you…?’

‘I am a Hindu’, I said. She looked at me as if she is seeing a caged animal. She could not understand what I was talking about. A common man in Europe or US knows about Christianity and Islam, as they are the leading religions of the world today. But a Hindu, what?

I explained to her – I am born to a Hindu father and Hindu mother. Therefore, I am a Hindu by birth. ‘Who is your prophet?’ she asked.

‘We don’t have a prophet,’ I replied.

‘What’s your Holy Book?’

‘We don’t have a single Holy Book, but we have hundreds and thousands of philosophical and sacred scriptures,’ I replied.

‘Oh, come on…at least tell me who is your God?’

‘What do you mean by that?’

‘Like we have Yahweh and Muslims have Allah – don’t you have a God?’

I thought for a moment. Muslims and Christians believe one God (Male God) who created the world and takes an interest in the humans who inhabit it. Her mind is conditioned with that kind of belief.

According to her; or anybody who doesn’t know about Hinduism, a religion needs to have one Prophet, one Holy book and one God. The mind is so conditioned and rigidly narrowed down to such a notion that anything else is not acceptable. I understood her perception and concept about faith. You can’t compare Hinduism with any of the present leading religions where you have to believe in one concept of god.

I tried to explain to her: ‘You can believe in one God and he can be a Hindu. You may believe in multiple deities and still you can be a Hindu. What’s more – you may not believe in God at all, still you can be a Hindu. An atheist can also be a Hindu.’

This sounded very crazy to her. She couldn’t imagine a religion so unorganized, still surviving for thousands of years, even after onslaught from foreign forces.

I don’t understand…but it seems very interesting. Are you religious?’

Now what could I tell this American girl? I said, ‘I do not go to temple regularly. I do not make any regular rituals. I have learned some of the rituals in my younger days. I still enjoy doing it sometimes.’

Enjoy? Are you not afraid of God?

‘God is a friend. No, I am not afraid of God. Nobody has made any compulsions on me to perform these rituals regularly.’ She thought for a while and then asked, ‘Have you ever thought of converting to any other religion?

‘Why should I? Even if I challenge some of the rituals and faith in Hinduism, nobody can convert me from Hinduism. Because, being a Hindu allows me to think independently and objectively, without conditioning. I remain as a Hindu never by force, but choice.’ I told her that Hinduism is not a religion, but a set of beliefs and practices. It is not a religion like Christianity or Islam because it is not founded by any one person or does not have an organized controlling body like the Church or the Order, I added. There is no institution or authority.

So, you don’t believe in God?’ she wanted everything in black and white.

‘I didn’t say that. I do not discard the divine reality. Our scripture, or Sruthis or Smrithis – Vedas and Upanishads or the Gita – say God might be there or he might not be there. But we pray to that supreme abstract authority (Para Brahma) that is the creator of this universe.’

Why can’t you believe in one personal God?

‘We have a concept – abstract – not a personal god. The concept or notion of a personal God, hiding behind the clouds of secrecy, telling us irrational stories through few men whom he sends as messengers, demanding us to worship him or punish us, does not make sense. I don’t think that God is as silly as an autocratic emperor who wants others to respect him or fear him.’ I told her that such notions are just fancies of less educated human imagination and fallacies, adding that generally ethnic religious practitioners in Hinduism believe in personal gods. The entry level Hinduism has over-whelming superstitions too. The philosophical side of Hinduism negates all superstitions.

‘Good that you agree God might exist. You told that you pray. What is your prayer then?’

‘Loka Samastha Sukino Bhavantu. Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti,’ ‘Funny,’ she laughed, ‘What does it mean?’

‘May all the beings in all the worlds be happy. Om Peace, Peace, Peace.’ ‘Hmm…very interesting. I want to learn more about this religion. It is so democratic, broad-minded and free…’ she exclaimed.

‘The fact is Hinduism is a religion of the individual, for the individual and by the individual with its roots in the Vedas and the Bhagavad-Gita. It is all about an individual approaching a personal God in an individual way according to his temperament and inner evolution – it is as simple as that.’

How does anybody convert to Hinduism?

‘Nobody can convert you to Hinduism, because it is not a religion, but a set of beliefs and practices. Everything is acceptable in Hinduism because there is no single authority or organization either to accept it or to reject it or to oppose it on behalf of Hinduism.’ I told her – if you look for meaning in life, don’t look for it in religions; don’t go from one cult to another or from one guru to the next. For a real seeker, I told her, the Bible itself gives guidelines when it says ‘Kingdom of God is within you.’ I reminded her of Christ’s teaching about the love that we have for each other. That is where you can find the meaning of life.

Loving each and every creation of the God is absolute and real. ‘Isavasyam idam sarvam’ Isam (the God) is present (inhabits) here everywhere – nothing exists separate from the God, because God is present everywhere. Respect every living being and non-living things as God. That’s what Hinduism teaches you.

Hinduism is referred to as Sanathana Dharma, the eternal faith. It is based on the practice of Dharma, the code of life. The most important aspect of Hinduism is being truthful to oneself. Hinduism has no monopoly on ideas. It is open to all. Hindus believe in one God (not a personal one) expressed in different forms. For them, God is timeless and formless entity.

Ancestors of today’s Hindus believe in eternal truths and cosmic laws and these truths are opened to anyone who seeks them. But there is a section of Hindus who are either superstitious or turned fanatic to make this an organized religion like others. The British coin the word ‘Hindu’ and considered it as a religion.

I said: ‘Religions have become an MLM (multi-level-marketing) industry that has been trying to expand the market share by conversion. The biggest business in today’s world is Spirituality. Hinduism is no exception…’

I am a Hindu because it doesn’t condition my mind with any faith system.

Hindusime er den religionen jeg har desidert mest respekt for (hvis man kan kalle det religion, etter å ha lest denne diskusjonen).

18/01/2012

18.01.2012


Humm:p

Å redde sitt eget skinn


Kapteinen for cruiseskipet som havarerte i Italia er i hardt vær. Ikke bare seilte han det svære skipet bevisst farlig nær land for å HILSE på og VISE FREM skipet for folk ved land, men han entret en livbåt lenge før evakueringen var ferdig.
Han blir avhørt av politiet, og ifølge Dagbladet har han så langt gitt følgende forklaring på at han entret en av livbåtene:

“Jeg forlot bare skipet fordi jeg falt oppi en livbåt.”
[..]
“Jeg hadde ikke redningsvest engang, for jeg hadde gitt den til en av passasjerene. Jeg prøvde å hjelpe folk oppi båtene på en rolig og ordentlig måte. Plutselig, fordi skipet lå i en 60- til 70-graders vinkel, falt jeg oppi en av båtene”
[…]
“Schettino forklarer videre at han ble sittende fast i båten i rundt en time før den ble senket ned på vannet.”

Først datt han helt plutselig.
Tilfeldigvis datt han oppi en livbåt.
Deretter satt han fast oppi livbåten i rundt en time, før livbåten var satt på vannet.

Sannsynligheten for disse tre tilfeldighetene dette må jo være noe i retning 1% for hver av tingene…
Hvis vi sier hver av tilfeldighetene har 1% sannsynlighet for å inntreffe, så betyr det matematisk at hele hendelsesforløpet har en sannsynlighet på 1%*1%*1%=0.0001% kjangse for å inntreffe!
Klart det er fysisk mulig, det er noen som vinner i lotto hver eneste uke og det er flere som kan fortelle om at de en gang ble truffet av lynet, men… story be plausible?:p

Kvalmt, men også morsomt


Noe å tenke på neste gang du skal kverke en edderkopp:p

17/01/2012

17.01.2012

Hvor populære er egentlig bøkene om Harry Potter?
De er så populære at salget av dem ble slått av en tom bok.
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/857136-sex-book-filled-with-200-blank-pages-storms-up-charts#ixzz1hgVHBiab

Små åler som svømmer opp penis

– Det er ingen myte!

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/875317-eel-removed-from-mans-bladder-after-entering-penis-during-beauty-spa


Faktakilde: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maternal_insult

Dårlig forutsigelser


Faktakilde: http://www.amazon.com/Mastering-Self-Leadership-Third-Charles/dp/product-description/0131400460


Faktakilde: http://www.amazon.com/Mastering-Self-Leadership-Third-Charles/dp/product-description/0131400460


Faktakilde: http://www.theheroesclub.org/walt_disney.php


Faktakilde: http://www.amazon.com/Mastering-Self-Leadership-Third-Charles/dp/product-description/0131400460


Faktakilde: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twilight_%28novel%29

Div rare ting


Faktakilde: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Una%27s_Tits


Faktakilde: http://listverse.com/2009/01/06/9-gruesome-fairy-tale-origins/


Faktakilde: http://www.livescience.com/17898-penis-tattoo-blamed-permanent-erection.html


Faktakilde: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/2694779/Rude-romping-A-potted-history.html

I’ll sue you!


Faktakilde: http://mensnewsdaily.com/2011/02/27/man-receives-oral-sex-ordered-to-pay-child-support/


Faktakilde: http://www.lawsuit.no/ni-surfer_wave.html

Well done, sir


Faktakilde: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolf_Hitler#Health


Faktakilde: http://physics.wustl.edu/alford/newton.html


Faktakilde: http://torrentfreak.com/file-sharing-recognized-as-official-religion-in-sweden-120104/


FakttakildeR:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1213855/Women-really-secret-Gossip-shared-just-47-hours.html http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6199822/Women-cannot-keep-a-secret-for-longer-than-47-hours.html

Yummy!


“Castor is the yellowish secretion of the castor sac of beaver in combination with the beaver’s urine. It is used as a food additive approved by the FDA. Castoreum is also used in small amounts to contribute to the flavor and odor of cigarettes.”
Faktakilde: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castoreum

14/01/2012

14.01.2012

Hvordan kaste penger ut av vinduet

Kjøp et dødt juletre fra Panduro, og gjør det til et DIY juletre – Normal pris 199kr, nå på tilbud for 99kr!
Eeeeller… Bare ta vare på et dødt juletre fra en tidligere jul, og pynt på det – GRATIS!

Legg merke til at flere også har trykket “liker” på det døde juletreet dems.
http://www.pandurohobby.no/Catalogue/50-Lag-Dekorer/5050-Dekorfigurer/505045-Metall/1/480239-Tilda-Juletre-hoyde-56-cm

Kinesere på Ebay

Det er gøy å se hva selgere i Hong Kong selger på Ebay, for de selger så mye rart, til ekstremt lave priser.
Her er noen ting jeg fant igår.

Først ut: En ørevoksfjerner som ligner mest på en drill. Den koster kun ~10kr ink frakt.

Så en… Munnvikstrimmer…for dem som måtte trenge det… Kun ~6kr ink frakt.

For dem som vil slanke seg, så selger de slankende magneter. Det er heeelt sant at de fungerer, det er derfor ingen bruker dem. Kun ~6kr ink frakt.

For dem som er opptatt av mote, så selger de knevarmere. Ifølge selger er de SEXY å se på! ~30kr ink frakt.

Hva du gjør om du fanges av kannibaler

12/01/2012

12.01.2012

Progge-idiot spør om hjelp på forum:

“Anyone tell me how to ping a url string. From that I have to get response time, Total file size, server programing language used and similar information”

GL with that, smartass.

Lekehytte får rivingspålegg fra kommunen

“Siden seksårs-alderen har de fire kompisene i Bodø gjort det samme som gutter i flere generasjoner før dem. Noen hundre meter oppe i skogen bak husene deres, på en høyde med panoramautsikt, har de nå 14 år gamle guttene snekret sammen sin drømmehytte.
[…]
Hytta består jo mest av en seng. Det er vel egentlig det meste av hytta det, forklarer Sigurd.

Utenpå hytta har de festet en postkasse i håp om at postmannen en dag skal finne fram til «Elgebæsjhytta», som de selv har døpt den.
[…]
I sommer var det i stedet kommunen som fant fram til den bortgjemte guttehytta. Like etter at den var ferdigstilt fikk de rivningsordre fra bygningsetaten i Bodø kommune. Det er ikke søkt om tillatelse til å bygge plankehytta og den er dermed ulovlig oppført, heter det i brevet.
[…]
Bygningssjef Tor Åseng i Bodø mener at slik plankehytta står i dag, er den i strid med plan- og bygningsloven. I tillegg er det kommet en klage på plankehytta. “

At det går an.
http://www.tv2.no/nyheter/innenriks/guttegjengens-trehytte-er-i-strid-med-byggeloven-maa-rives-3679338.html

Kunnskap

Dvergpai


Hid in a pie???
Fra en bok på Amazon:

“At the climax of the feast, a large pie is set down before the Queen, who is given a knife and invited to cut into the pastry. Before she can do so, however, the crust begins to crack and rise of its own accord. From out of the pie emerges a tiny man-perfectly proportioned and dressed in a suit of miniature armor. He climbs onto the table in front of the Queen, bows low, and asks to be taken into her service.

The little man’s name is Jeffrey Hudson. He is seven years old and stands only eighteen inches tall.”

Amg…

Tea parthey!


Teaoholics, all of you!
Kilde for fakta: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Challenger_2#Crew_and_accommodation

Kunst ftl


“She even urinated on the painting but that didn’t damage it.”
Too bad at hun ble straffet for det:p
Kilde for fakta: http://didyouknowarchive.com/?p=1122

Japanske kvinner trekker ikke do?


Japan har seriøst mange interessante sosiale angstlidelser og fobier.
Kilde for fakta: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_toilet#The_Sound_Princess

Poke poke poke, is that all you do?

(quote fra en orc i WC btw)

“Poking equivalent to “communicating” against the will is a crime in Tennessee.
Violating a restraining order is a class A misdemeanor in Tennessee, punishable with up to 11 months and 29 days in jail and a fine of up to $2500.”
Greit å vite hvis man bor der, lol.
Kilde for fakta: http://www.marketingpilgrim.com/2009/10/facebook-poke-arrest.html

The story of Menstruation – by Disney


Barn må jo lære om kroppen sin!
Kilde for fakta: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Story_of_Menstruation

Amerikanske, egoistiske idioter


Er det mulig å være mer selvopptatt? Avdødes familie burde saksøke henne i retur for å være hensynsløs mot pårørende.
Faktakilde: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2079940/Dead-man-killed-tragic-train-collision-CAN-sued-woman-injured-flying-body-parts.html

Et hjemsted å være stolt av?


“Hi, Im from Fingringhole”

Sååå stort… og såå skjørt


“The 27-kilometer (16.8 mile) LHC suffered serious overheating in several sections after the small piece of baguette landed in a piece of equipment on the surface above the accelerator ring. ”
Tåler det virkelig at man ser på det?
Faktakilde: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/large-hadron-collider/6514155/Large-Hadron-Collider-broken-by-bread-dropped-by-passing-bird.html

Litt mindre, men mye tough’ere


“This is a bull elephant firmly establishing why it is he, and not the lion, who is king of beasts. The elephant’s penis is not only massive but prehensile. As we watched in baffled amusement (and the faintest tinge of inadequacy), he used his penis to prop himself up (as in the photo), swat flies from his side and scratch himself on his stomach.”
Faktakilde: http://scienceblogs.com/notrocketscience/2009/11/south_african_wildlife_-_wait_thats_not_a_trunk.php

09/01/2012

Progging, newbs og idioter

Man har normale flinke proggere, mindre gode proggere, newbs, og til slutt idioter.
Her er en suppe med kode fra alt unntatt normalt flinke proggere:

Him: “I can download games like Quake and play them during lunch, you know.”
Me: “We’re only allowed 10 megs in our accounts, and the system administrators would notice you downloading a large file.”
Him: “Nah, I could hack it so he couldn’t.”
Me: “Ah, so you are into hacking. By the way do you know any programming languages?”
Him: “Yeah, of course.”
Me: “Which ones?”
Him: “I can’t tell you or else you’ll use them.
Me: “Just by mentioning C++ or Pascal or whatever will not instantly make me a genius with those languages.”
Him: “Oh sorry, I didn’t understand you. Yeah, I know C++ and Pascal.”
Me: “What compiler do you use?”
Him: “Well, Qbasic is my favorite.
Me: “Nobody over the age of eight uses QBasic for serious purposes.”
Him: “But they made windows with QBasic.

I almost cried laughing.

“One day I was in a public park, reading “C++ For Dummies” when someone came up and asked me what I was reading. I told him I was reading a book about C++. He responded, “Oh, HTML kicks C++’s @$$.” ”

“Teacher: “You can’t do spaces in HTML. If you see spaces on web pages, then they must be using java to override basic HTML. Java saved the Internet, because it removes limitations of HTML, but it’s beyond the scope of this course to show you how to do it.””

My Friend: “Yesterday, I reprogrammed my computer.”
Me: “Okay….”
My Friend: “Not my Mac, but my PC. It has Windows Vista.”
Me: “Yes, and what language did you use?”
My Friend: (pause) “English.”
Me: “English?”
My Friend: “Yeah, English.”

“I once worked for the IT department of a small manufacturing company. The new Vice President of IT claimed that he had been a programmer for more than twenty years prior. One time we were in a meeting with a software company we hired to build our web site for us. As they explained that the web pages would be written in HTML and Javascript, this VP stops them cold and says, “None of my guys here work with any of that Javascript stuff! This is a SQL shop! I only want these web pages written in SQL so we can support it ourselves!”

Rather than correct a man who’d been a programmer for twenty years, I sat there with an amused look on my face for the remainder of the meeting. So did the people from the software company.”

User: “Hey, can you help me? My program doesn’t work.”
Consultant: “What is the problem? Are you using Turbo Pascal?”
User: “Yes, the program just blocks the machine.”
Consultant: “Well, does it compile?”
User: “I don’t know — it just doesn’t run. You see? There’s the EXE file. If you run it, it blocks the machine.”
Consultant: “And where is your source, the PAS file??”
User: “I wrote it and renamed it to EXE so it could run.”

“One thing that many will run into in the computer industry, is employers who are rather clueless and yet don’t necessarily realize this. In 1996, a friend told me about a boss he had that needed a C program written for him. After a week, the boss complained that the program wasn’t done, and he asked my friend what was taking so long.

Friend: “The program is written, and I’m debugging it.”
Boss: “What’s wrong with you people? You make programming more difficult than it needs to be. I have Frontpage Express to write web pages with, and when I write code with it, I never need to debug it. If you were as good of a programmer as me, you’d never need to debug either.”

“During a code review, when I asked why (besides the source control file headers) there was not a comment in 240,000 lines of code which was getting handed over to me for maintenance, the programmer replied, “I’m terse.” ”

“I was helping a friend with some code. In the code, I found the line:

x = x;

and removed it. I made some further changes and send the code back to him. He told me he still had errors. So he sent me his code again, and again I found the same line. I asked him why he kept putting that in there, and he replied, “So x doesn’t lose its value.” “

“In college, I worked as a teaching assistant for an introductory programming language. For most of the people in the class, this was probably their first and only programming class.

One day, I was doing program code reviews with a handful of students. This one girl gave me her code, and, after looking at it, I asked why she had repeated a certain line twice:

let x = 7;
let x = 7;

She said, “Just in case it didn’t get set right the first time.” ”

“When a computer professor asked his students to comment all their programs, he got remarks like:

“This program is very nice.”
“This program is very difficult.”
“This program is very interesting.””

“When I was studying programming, one of my classmates was having serious troubles with his program. When he asked me for help, I leaned over his screen and saw all of his code in comments. The reason: “Well, it compiles much faster that way.” ”

“In college I worked as a consultant. One day this grad student was having trouble with his Fortran program and brought the printout to me. He said he kept changing things but couldn’t get it to run correctly. His analysis: “I get the feeling that the computer just skips over all the comments.” “

“I tutored college students who were taking a computer programming course. A few of them didn’t understand that computers are not sentient. More than one person used comments in their Pascal programs to put detailed explanations such as, “Now I need you to put these letters on the screen.” I asked one of them what the deal was with those comments. The reply: “How else is the computer going to understand what I want it to do?” Apparently they would assume that since they couldn’t make sense of Pascal, neither could the computer. ”

“I was taking an introductory programming course. One assignment was to do a little payroll program, including some data validation. The program was supposed to accept terminal input and send output back to either the console or a printer.

Suddenly the printer began spewing out paper like crazy. One of the students (a particularly mouthy woman) had programmed a less-than-helpful error message (“YOU ARE WRONG”) and then not provided any exit from the error-checking logic — the program just re-read the last (failing) input and re-tested it. All in all, it was a very nice infinite loop.

After spitting through about fifty pages of “YOU ARE WRONG,” somebody cut power to the printer, and the instructor had to flush the print queue manually. He went back to the student and asked if she had tested the program by sending the output to the console before trying to print it, and she said, yes, she had tested it on the console and ended up with a screen full of “YOU ARE WRONG” messages. Why, then, had she sent her output to the printer? “I thought I would be daring!” “

“A colleague wrote the documentation for the return codes from a set of functions in one of his DLLs. Among the documentation was this:

/* Return code=1: generic error condition
Return code=2: all other error conditions */ ”

“I was just teaching an optional class on C programming; in the first class meeting, I asked, “Does anybody know anything about programming?”

To which one of my students gleefully replied, “I know how to use a chat program!” “

“While working on a programming project in highschool with a friend, I mentioned to him that if he really wants to name his variables things like x, xx, and xx2, he should at least put comments saying what they’re used for.

The next time I looked over his shoulder, I saw this:

int x; // x is an int

“My friend is a programming teacher at a local high school, where there are two programming classes — one taught by him and one by another teacher. Recently he spent WEEKS preparing the major assessment that both classes would do, a large assignment that the students would work on for the next few months.

As well as making the question sheet for the students, he also made an answer sheet for the other teacher, so that she could familiarize herself with the assignment before giving it to her class.

But this other teacher knows NOTHING about programming and wasn’t able to tell the difference between the question sheet and answer sheet, and so she wound up photocopying the answer sheet and handing it out to every student in her class.

She no longer teaches programming. “

“An introductory programming student once asked me to look at his program and figure out why it was always churning out zeroes as the result of a simple computation. I looked at the program, and it was pretty obvious:

begin
readln("Number of Apples", apples);
readln("Number of Carrots", carrots);
readln("Price for 1 Apple", a_price);
readln("Price for 1 Carrot", c_price);
writeln("Total for Apples", a_total);
writeln("Total for Carrots", c_total);
writeln("Total", total);
total := a_total + c_total;
a_total := apples * a_price;
c_total := carrots + c_price;
end;

Me: “Well, your program can’t print correct results before they’re computed.”
Him: “Huh? It’s logical what the right solution is, and the computer should reorder the instructions the right way.””

“At my previous job, we were porting a UNIX system to Windows NT using Microsoft VC++. A colleague of mine, that was in the process of porting his portion of the code, came to me, looking really upset.

Colleague: “Hey! I hate these Microsoft guys! What a rotten compiler! It only accepts 16,384 local variables in a function!“”

“I had a probationary programmer working for me. Needless to say, he never got to be permanent. One day I was inspecting his C code and found this:

if ( a = 1 ) {
...some code...
} else {
...some other code...
}

I told him the “else” clause will never get executed because of his “if” statement. I asked him to figure out why. He said he’d “investigate” it first. I allowed him to “investigate,” since it had not been a critical task.

A day later, he told me he figured out the problem. He said he used an incorrect operand in the “if” statement — it should have been == instead of =, which was absolutely correct. But then he emailed me his revised code.

a = 1;
if ( a == 1 ) {
...some code...
} else {
...some other code...
}

What the…?

I asked him if the “a = 1” part was necessary and not just a fragment of debug code he forgot to remove. He said it was necessary. So I asked him if the “else” statement would ever be executed. He said yes. I asked him to give me a situation when such would occur. He said he’d get back to me with the explanation.

I kicked him out of the project that same afternoon.”

“Digging in the code a colleague wrote years ago, I found the following:

EndWhile = 0;
while (EndWhile == 0)
{
...
if (index < MAX)
EndWhile = 0;
else
EndWhile = 1;
index = index + 1;
}